Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
