i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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