your room smells of hookers.
And success
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
