I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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