Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
