I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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