i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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