i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
