What did we do last night that was yellow?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
