oh god the rape fog is back!
My underwear smells like fireworks.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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