Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
