just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
