3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
