This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
