ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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