Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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