I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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