Even water is tasting like jack daniels
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
