Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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