I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
