So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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