Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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