so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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