he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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