hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
