the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Come on in and take your pants off
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