i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize