I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
