worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i may or may not be watching the land before time
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
