It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
