why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
