took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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