so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
