apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
