You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The power of my boobs compel you
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
