What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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