Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
