Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
