Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
