I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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