one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
