"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
