How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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