I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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