Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize