I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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