Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize