Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She announced her abortion via fbk
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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