thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
