just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
