The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
