Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
