4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
