he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
