Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
