Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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