physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
