My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
