I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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