just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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