Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Randomize
