btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
