just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
