I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
