I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
