found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
