Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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