***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
