It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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