with your own penis?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
