You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
