We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
