I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
babies were throwing up all over the place
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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