True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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