I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
