the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
