meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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