Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
