I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
